If I die, will I cease to exist?

I don't have anything figured out.
Am I expected to? There are expectations of me, but I fail to live up to them.
I can never quite compromise what I want to do - or who I know I am - and what others want and think of me.
I want to write, and to travel, and to be involved with the fashion industry, and to create my own magazine, and to attend graduate school, and join the Peace Corps, and a list of other experiences. But my writing friends think I'm too smart to be in fashion, and the fashionistas think I'm not trendy enough, and my father thinks I'm not savvy enough to go in business, and no one thinks I can cut the Peace Corps, and I fucking didn't get in to graduate school.

I shouldn't care, but I am daily bombarded with their opinions and suggestions and lectures.
It's like continually ramming my head against a brick wall.
I am a writer, therefore I must write, but if I write people tell me that I'm wasting my time. That I need to get a 'real' job (and the use of the world real is tiresome and frustrating - who the fuck can define real?) but if I get this so-called real job, then I sacrifice not only my time and energy but my goddamn sanity.
Who said that upon graduation we have to have it all figured out?
And is it somehow insane that I want to enjoy and appreciate my life, and not just settle?

The day that I settle will be the day that I die...

And it started like this:
I was born wielding a pen and striking words across the page and I realized that sometimes I could touch upon that nerve to drive a person mad or angry or oh so very confused. Words have that affect sometimes.
And it's interesting, how powerful a writer can be. We can define a moment or - even better - create one. We are free to observe and pinpoint the inhumanity of humanity in as raw or as subtle a technique as we choose. Words can take on double meanings; what they stand for today may fade by tomorrow.
And it's the story of my life: that double edge - that treading on glass - that makes me so cool/ugly.